the missed spaces, the missed places, the missed times, the missed rhymes, the missed persons I could have been or will be, the fear that restricts me, the choices that elate me, the food that prolongs, the life that kills and opens and winds up and scares and tears and screws, inspires and heightens and pitches and rolls and drowns and crowns and takes hold of and molds and breaks and pours into and empties and burns.

and here we steal away together

recorded 3.12.17

These words as crumbs to follow myself back. Back to Nikki. Back to her back. I follow myself back to two children playing. And Nikki, proud and intrigued, shows me her trick. She is on all fours, knees are feet too, she begins to walk, roam, prowl, yes prowl. And her back she arches and pulls her abdomen inwards, upwards, yet still she has the motion of her upper back and two shapes spring from the place I know shoulder blades to be, but these forms as i witness them becoming three dimensional, these forms are summoned from another. Nikki has shamened the back of a lioness and she undulates in front of me, two fins cutting through this water-air a new creature reveals itself to my eyes for a moment and I am witness. Witness beauty as if Nikki is the wind that has turned a field of grass into golden sea and all i can do is stop and watch the dance, there is no other choice.

 

With Nikki’s prowl I can witness her enjoying the elements of her body, enjoying the muscles and the skin and controlling and playing until a magnetic moment emerges

 

where aesthetics of her form are her enjoying her own form and now. now. Now,

 

twenty five years later I unveil to myself what Nikki had discovered. This merging. Stunned. I turn my focus inward forward toward the moment i am in and the moment that can only be and i feel the pull of the magnets as i focus on my own shoulder blades and begin to push them into the air swimming around my body, and pull them back into the warmth of blood and lungs and heart beating and i begin to pump my heart with internal fins, the bass and tone and sound waves are the tide and I play like a lioness-fish near the surface of the ocean, cutting through sun beams and running toward sunbeams and melting into sunbeams and experiencing waves of sound and light moving toward and into and through my body.

recorded 5.12.17

recorded 2.12.17