the missed spaces, the missed places, the missed times, the missed rhymes, the missed persons I could have been or will be, the fear that restricts me, the choices that elate me, the food that prolongs, the life that kills and opens and winds up and scares and tears and screws, inspires and heightens and pitches and rolls and drowns and crowns and takes hold of and molds and breaks and pours into and empties and burns.

and here we steal away together

∆upsidogi ritual II

upsidogi is beginning to see-feel the ripples. the gifts. the triangulations. she feels the gravity and the ripples.

upsidogi feels fear. upsidogi is preparing to speak with her mother. upsidogi is preparing to speak with parts of herself. upsidogi must summon courage. upsidogi puts on wizard∆peace∆warrior-eyes-oil-flames. upsidogi knows herself, stop-watch-learns herself again and again. she moves slowly and feels-stops-learns before moving. upsidogi prepares to do the together-strong-peace-dance with upsidogi∆mother∆self.

we got this

upsidogi stop-watch-learned a new peace-dance yesterday. three humans danced two by two. they sat still. they stop-listened-watch-learned each other, the first time they came together, they did the peace-dance. ripples in a triangle. upsidogi was-is part of this peace-dance. she grew a garden∆world in her and around her for the peace-dance to grow. yesterday it grew with other humans. the ripples are returning. upsidogi feels-knows-is the peace∆dance that is rippling outward and toward always, now.

we got this

upsidogi speaks to her mother. she speaks of what she has experienced, her feels-knows-is. she shares. she cries up. upsidogi's mother stop-listens-feels-learns. upsidogi feels peaceful. upsidogi's mother speaks to upsidogi. she shares her is-feels-knows. she has been help-love-being with her grandchildren. almost-every-day. she sees-feels-learns how music is helping her grandchildren do the peace-dance. upsidogi knows-feels-does this too. upsidogi and mother are peaceful knowing music help.

upsidogi does the peace dance, with herself. for herself. she did not teach herself the dance. but she did have to learn it. because she knew it, and then she hid it. so she had to find the way to find it and learn it again and teach it-be it. she did it. today upsidogi found the heartbeat in her belly.

upsidogi taught ali and stephie to hid many things. to protect them. upsidogi always knew the peace dance. she hid it to protect it. <Jan 20 VIIII ∆Rinny> upsidogi can see-feel-knows now how she protected her-self-gifts. that is how she cared for them. she asked them to wait and they waited. until she knew she could-can now bring them out of hiding. upsidogi was a good protector of herself. she is a good mother to herself. upsidogi sees how she was learning all along. upsidogi trust-trusts herself now. she knows she was-is a protector-mother and can now be a sharer-mother too.

upsidogi does the peace dance with herself-parts-dance-alone-together. upsidogi's hands do the hand-dance, her fingers do the finger-dance. neck does the neck-dance. and together they all do the upsidogi-dance. she sees how she stop-watch-learned herself so she could teach herself. no separate parts only different directions and speeds. only different ways. together∆gifts∆harmony.

we got this

upsidogi picks up books that stephie and ali each carried with them. she reads again stories she remembers made her cry up and cry down. and she feels them in a new way, she feels them each time in a new way. she cries up to-with the human stories stephie and ali gift her. she knows-feels her ripple as she reads these stories in each different now, she knows-feels her ripple-self travelling outward, in all directions, ever more slowly. upsidogi stop-reads-learns a book m gifted ali. she forgot-remembers how m and ali survived a battle together. she forgot-remember-feels how ali's mother and m's mother both fought cancer cells at the same now in different places. she remembers-knows-feels how one mother died and one mother lived. ali and m felt-stop-watch-learned this together. they know this part of each other. they fought a battle together-strong-peace. upsidogi reads the book and knows-feels how she and m do the together-strong-peace-dance. upsidogi cries up.

upsidogi is learning to do the together-strong-dance with more humans. she stop-watch-learns from herself and from other humans. upsidogi knows-feels how she must slow down and stop-watch-learn herself ever-more the ever-closer another human is to upsidogi. upsidogi reads in the book from m, a story. a story about a human who is remembering their mother, in their body. how a human carries their mother to feel love. upsidogi reads this story and stop-watch-learns from a human she will never meet. she learns-feels-knows the way this human does the together-strong-peace-dance with themself.


upsidogi reads recordings. she receives and shares stories. she chooses to do the peace-dance with herself, and to share this story.




upsidogi and urban∆guerilla∆dandy sit in a chair that upsidogi pulls up to the window which opens onto the above-the-garden∆world where the ravens and the blue∆dipped∆ravens come and go and the small∆brown∆darts stay because it is their nest too. and upsidogi stop-watch-learns as they find-feel their nest and how here they feel-find upsidogi and urban∆guerilla∆dandy. they move toward themselves as they stay still together. as upsidogi and urguda live together, upsidogi stop-watch-learns-feels-sees the shedding, feels them doing the together-stong-peace-dance with themselves and with each other.

upsidogi knows that urguda is wise because they share with upsidogi. urguda shares stories with her. they share their story and they share other human stories that she stop-watch-sees-reads-feels-learns-knows. many ripples are returning and combining and sharing. upsidogi feels-knows-records-shares her now.

we got this

together-strong-peace only is, when the together is. upsidogi knows the sharing is the together. she feels-knows this now. she chooses to stop-watch-learn-share herself instead of not-know-fear herself. the drop forms. the ripples follow. be peace>peace is.

we got this.

humans see-feel them self when they watch-feel.

humans stop-watch new-unfamiliar-different.

humans do not see the together-strong-peace dance often-almost-never in-at this now.

upsidogi is a mirror. upsidogi mirrors the peace∆dance. humans stop-watch-learn the unfamiliar. humans stop-watch-learn her. upsidogi is the peace∆dance so the peace∆dance is. upsidogi remember-knows she has always been a gardener.


∆upsidogi ritual III

∆upsidogi ritual I