blood is at the surface of upsidogi’s skin. its turning like the leaves upsidogi stop-watch-learns not from green to orange to brown but from purple to yellow to blue. why does upsidogi only think about her blood when she sees it red or purple-yellow-blue. upsidogi only feels-knows now her demon is purple-yellow-blue.
skin. surface. floor. upsidogi hits and stomps and beats and whistles and breaths and pumps. upsidogi is looking for her demons sometimes and is looking at cracks and edges sometimes and dancing on edges sometimes and upsidogi thinks she might find her demon on edge-surfaces. stretched. flayed skin.
the gray berlin sky tips open behind upsidogi is in a box. a white box inside a gray box inside a gray box. upsidogi knows she can reach toward the gray-sky box and not touch a wall but when upsidogi looks she does not see-feel this. edges. cracks. the space falling into the space between falling into the space below. black. what? upsidogi does not know. <Mar 31 XVII ∆Through the Black Hole>
upsidogi wiggles-floats-dances. the music stops. upsidogi breath. dance. breath. dance. stomp heel. slide toe. breath. whistle. hum. moan. upsidogi only knows-now-remembers that she is a composer too. she sang her songs when she was stephie-child. humans said no. don’t sing. stopped her upsidogi voice. upsidogi knows-now-remembers she is a composer with her body. she has song-stories to tell. do the together-stong-peace-dance again and again and again. upsidogi feels the ripples on her body. from-through mother. from-through granny. that is where the through comes through. through the womb. with the heartbeat. feel-learning-love. feel-learning-fear. the deepest-bloodiest-warmest-wettest-parts of upsidogi learned. can heal. mother. child. can heal nature. together-strong-peace-dance first with inside upsidogi.
we got this mamma.
we are this.
upsidogi looks at the purple-yellow-blue shapes on her arms. she loves them. they make her angry. they make her scared. they make her strong. upsidogi stands in front of her demon. it balances atop upsidogi. she lets the raven-serpent-cloud slip down her right cheek, past her ear. a momentary sea roars-hums. raven-serpent-cloud fogs downward. laps at the ditch above her shoulder-to-neck-bone. raven-serpent-cloud lands-spirals-pools there on upsidogi. sips warmth from upsidogi. rocks heavy on upsidogi. upsidogi turns to her left. to her serpent. the eye on her shoulder. upsidog feels a pulling at the back of her head. her demon is always perched-spiraled-pooled there above her shoulder-to-neck-bone. always there.
we got this.
and upsidogi remembers the blue-yellow-purple on her arms and remembers the pain, always there. but not pulling her. resting-warming-pooling on her. her demon’s perch. upsidogi will rub her demon, stretch it. keep it warm. take care of it because it is tired. let it rest and sleep. upsidogi will not be pulled tripping led by exhausted-demon. no, no more. upsidogi perks up. squirrel ears. shoulders back. chin up. berlin sky is blue now and will be again. chin up.
we got this mammas.