the missed spaces, the missed places, the missed times, the missed rhymes, the missed persons I could have been or will be, the fear that restricts me, the choices that elate me, the food that prolongs, the life that kills and opens and winds up and scares and tears and screws, inspires and heightens and pitches and rolls and drowns and crowns and takes hold of and molds and breaks and pours into and empties and burns.

and here we steal away together

∆upsidogi ritual III II

the power of joy

created by and for my

own perfect body

boundless

we got this

upsidogi you are not alone. upsidogi you must go through yourself to find other humans. to feel other humans. go through yourself, through that hazy hanging fog wall. walk into it. there is more beyond it. you and humans together-strong-peace-dance. don’t stay in the fog-fear-mask. <Apr 14 recorded 18.4.17>

upsidogi gets angry. angry at all the money and all the pain. upsidogi gets angry at all the addictions. she feels them hungry in her stomach. she feels fast in her chest. she needs to do. what. run. run away from herself. kill. kill what is in-in-front of her. scratch-pull-beat hunger. feed it. upsidogi races-trips-tumbles-chained-pulled-follows her hungry demon salivating to-at the well. upsidogi failed. fell. hurt. sad. guilt. stop. watch. learn. trust. try. again. together-strong-peace-dance.

we got this

peace is not thrilling

it is walking without words

it is sipping tea.

peace is flocks flying

south, some dropping dead into

slow swelling gray sea,

eroding mud cliffs

an orgasm in the sand

then sleep. slow heart beat.

slow down upsidogi. stop and smell wet leaves. the sweat soaked mattress. stop-feel-learn the mundane state of peace. gray rain drops in front of a gray facade before a gray sky. peace. your sitting amidst it. stop-feel-learn it.

the crow and the echo caw. upsidogi floats. visits her alters. images-objects-nature-strength. representations of together-strong-peace-dance. harmonies. upsidogi floats and finds-feels-learns that she spins. she comes and goes to spinning. when upsidogi spins she is the dreidel. she is together-strong-peace-dance from her very center. and upsidogi remember-knows how she spun as stephie∆child on the floor <Apr27>, in the water, down the hill with robin∆hood∆hound. and when upsidogi stopped she turned upsidedown. sitting on her head. next to robin∆hood∆hound against the couch. upsidogi always knew how to upsidogi-dance. she was told no, do not spin do not turn upsidedown. she was called wiggle-worm. she could not be still. they told upsidogi, be still, but don’t be weird. don’t spin in circles. don’t turn upsidedown. don’t touch yourself. don’t touch them. talk. faster. be quiet. be heard. not so loud. not so aggressive. not now. not now. not for you. your not enough yet. not enough yet. not for you. not you.

upsidogi don’t forget to spin and to go upsidedown.

we got this!

∆upsidogi ritual III III

∆upsidogi ritual III I