the missed spaces, the missed places, the missed times, the missed rhymes, the missed persons I could have been or will be, the fear that restricts me, the choices that elate me, the food that prolongs, the life that kills and opens and winds up and scares and tears and screws, inspires and heightens and pitches and rolls and drowns and crowns and takes hold of and molds and breaks and pours into and empties and burns.

and here we steal away together

an upsidogi garden∆planting-nurturing-honoring intuition

she wrote in a black book, a book slightly larger than the ones she carries now, stephie wrote in pencil, in a font slightly more rounded than the one she writes in now, she wrote some days after june 19 2008, after visiting käthe’s scultures and drawings and prints accumulated and protected in a museum in berlin, she wrote just before a nightmare, cold sweats, a body’s response to fear chemicals producing visions in a sleeping mind, she wrote just before visiting käthe’s grave huddled together with her family in death, these hands wrote during some moments between trusting herself and trusting herself,

silence retreat

silence - heightened awareness - aware of own body-decisions having to approach communication or all life really, in a different way

today, breakfast (at 2) crying over m’s wife’s story - truthfulness - surrounding yourself with this, people who have similar values, who offer a valuable perspective, not about location so much but rather about creating an energy which is conducive to creation - aligning your enviornment with your inner - not a struggle but an extension

she is always planting seeds. trust-trust the who i was, the always learning-growing-transforming who i am

trust-trust the ripples return and lap at my toes and my belly and my ears, i immerse myself in the womb of my vessel floating down a young stream which this body itself is cutting always deeper my roots dig finger nails fill with wet dirt and my youngest-highest branches reach green toward this sun

trust-trust what i have been building a new way of being at the pace this mind-body assumes a slow swelling wave invisible until the sea floor raises toward a shore shifting accumulation of dirt-star-dust

is all this is and yet i have a choice


upsidogi does


a warm waiting palm


we got this

i forgot to tell you - remembering how to feel

america's drug of choice ∆ invisible weapon