in an act of convincing the self to try to trust not fear, somewhere between ali and upsidogi writes
we got this > set intention - give interactions trust > positivity > openness > joy - i will give each interaction the space to grow > trust how the roots and stem seek water-sun-air - appreciate before moving
i will be open to new ways of being - i will accept joy - i trust because it feels so good the joy of true interactions its a swelling wave as we begin to feel again to be a child again our mothers will call us in for lunch and remind us to eat to stop to come sit together in the very important …
yet upsidogi forgets to trust-trust and all these words mean nothing and SNAPXXX
its all just a dream - drawing of a place that doesn’t exist in the same form with people who don’t exist in the same form
written in hope or despair, we do not know… we know the SNAPXXX stephie vs other humans SNAPXXX so it takes the fall to find the leverage to remember i don’t have to and i don’t want to live like this. make active steps to learn how to move through this pain - seek out teachers end isolation
try. learn. try again.
dog panting just a
hello eye eye smile hey
look up see feel with
not just me now this
is peace isolation is
overcome with peace
today i feel for
first time outside of black hole
connection to life
feel the pulls in us
A SIMPLE WALKING WITH A FRIEND THROUGH A PARK UNDER TREES SURROUNDED BY HUMANS AND BIRDS AND BUGS
A SIMPLE BRINGING OF A BALL TO THE FIELD AND HEALED THROUGH PLAY AND THE PAIN-FEAR PRODUCED THROUGH THE INTRODUCTION OF COMPETITION - HOW THAT PATH IS STILL BRINGING ME TO THE DEMONS OF THE PAST
and now i know. i have power. breath. stop. breath. be gentle. listen. and she heard the chattering of the seed pods and the wind and she was not alone and stephie took the warm waiting hand of upsidogi and returned to here-now courageously
she continued to try. to be kind. to connect to others through herself.
into the underground into the numbing grounds all ways of trying to live
upsidogi chose seeing-helping the-her-stranger who needed it so desperately, upsidogi chose seeing her red eyes cries. and remembered the we part of peace. we can do this. we must do this. make the move,
TOWARD PEACE, THROUGH ALL THE WAYS OF SWIMMING-FLOCKING-GRAZING TOGETHER TURNING OUR SOIL LIVING IN-OFF-WITH OUR LAND PLANTING THE PEACE SEEDS NURTURE ABUNDANCE
TRUST-TRUST
all ways of birthing
held in shapes between my thighs
im a creator
SELF HATE AS WITH ALL HATE IS TAUGHT, NOT TRUE
time to exorcise hate, time to build beyond healing, far beyond the cog of capitalism i was persuaded to play, far beyond the disrespect i was taught to tolerate
BECAUSE EACH DAY IS AN ODYSSEY WAITING FOR ME TO ARRIVE
because i could be angry everyday until i die
[sober today felt - like bland cold mashed potatoes - licked off a knifes edge]
I CHOOSE NOT TO DRINK THEIR POISON
and with them i am reminded i AM what i CHOOSE to repeatedly DO i am free to transform
you see the face of
a warrior manifest
on me. she’s in me.
been keeping silent
watching learning during the
invasion ever
deeper into our
territory-body each
day new way to rape
been keeping tabs on
their crimes end with my witness
to the addiction
to power turned
a species into cancer
i cut out of me.
they are wrong we are
at the end of one almost
though not endless war
genocide in all
its justifications tires,
we stop. expires.
and build a new
let us remind each
other with our bodies we
are anything. free.
AN UPSIDEDOWN AND SPINNING GIRL
is ready to play the growing game there is no shame in looking learning leaving the patterns behind that do not serve the me i desire to be, i am, can be only through self honesty
xx we got this