the missed spaces, the missed places, the missed times, the missed rhymes, the missed persons I could have been or will be, the fear that restricts me, the choices that elate me, the food that prolongs, the life that kills and opens and winds up and scares and tears and screws, inspires and heightens and pitches and rolls and drowns and crowns and takes hold of and molds and breaks and pours into and empties and burns.

and here we steal away together

∆upsidogi + prancing∆silver∆hound

upsidogi throws the golden bead offering. upsidogi reads of forgiveness from her mother's book. upsidogi asked how she can become the drop of peace. how she can be the wizard∆peace∆warrior. how will she know what to do. and then upsidogi danced and floated. she forgot about her very important question. and then she moved here to sit down and tell this story. she moved from food to smoke to sweet∆smoke to box to book. and book from her mother gave her the answer. forgiveness. when it is possible, acknowledge forgiveness and heal this part inside upsidogi, and inside the other being who received hurt. that space, that chance for peace, must be acknowledged. from one being to another. without forgiveness that path between the two which exists as a path of pain, of potholes and washouts and mud and scary turns where you can't see the next step, that path must be walked again, felt, and chosen to be transformed, to a peaceful path of open fields which slowly come to the highest point on the horizon and you are alone with the sun and the wind and the sky, of a gully where you can smell the clean water before you can hear its voice before you can see it and the infinite sunbeams reflecting off its surface. the path can be this peaceful, between upsidogi and the other one who was hurt. upsidogi has seen the path transform. upsidogi realizes last night upsidogi forgave through offering joy to a path that had been washed again and again with fear and pain, and upsidogi saw this path transform to a smile she could not harness, a smile that shone reflecting in the sun which beamed from mal's face.

upsidogi wants to write as upsidogi, but when she has to go back days, to tell the story of now, her voice transforms. she can bring it back to upsidogi, but it must experience a shedding of ali and of stephie. as upsidogi writes this, she hears a blue∆dipped∆raven, closeby, above and behind? echos in the hinterhof are complex. but she hears a blue∆dipped∆raven and she remembers she has just made the offering. but the ritual was different. less controlled. things were dropped and parts of 'the offering ritual' were not performed. but it was fun. upsidogi did not get mad at herself when she dropped things. when she was more like squirrel than like lizard. and so she threw the gold bead out the window and she thinks it fell in the ivy where small∆brown∆bird-flocks live, which was what puffed∆hopping∆bird was when it was. and now upsidogi click-clicks to the altar where she buried puffed∆hopping∆bird and upsidogi click-clicks to the blue∆dipped∆raven right now. and so that there is some of the now that upsidogi wants to share about, these things that are unfolding in the wake of her spillings. her spillings, her actions, the drop she is now, how they are rippling outward and back to her. she wants to tell of this magic-nothing because it is important.

on the way to prancing∆silver∆hound upsidogi listened to a human sing-play-strum-strings to the song by the human known as bowie but who had many version and who lived in the neighborhood which the song was being sung in now. upsidogi thinks that the human who is sing-play-strum-stringing knows that this is where the bowie-human-version lived and this is why they sing these songs in this place which is a train moving through places. and maybe they go back and forth all day and night, little back and forths singing the bowie-human-version songs. or maybe they go around the whole circle-berlin-train-now and sing songs by the humans who live-lived each neighborhood, and they circle the city with these human voices and those sound waves are always moving through berlin, the voices of the humans who sing-share and who live-lived Berlin. upsidogi will tell herself this story because it will make her feel-walk with her shoulders back and head up and little smile that she can feel in her right ear even though it is not showing always on her lips, she can feel it now. these are the stories upsidogi wants to share with you. reading them might be hard somethings but she wants to share them so that you too can learn to feel-walk with your shoulders back and head up and little smile that you can feel in your right ear even though is is not always showing on your lips, so you can feel it now. feel together-strong-peace.

upsidogi wants to draw the together-strong-peace on the black flag that hangs in the window. stephie hung it to keep the light off the table, to keep the nest more cool, so much warm-sun-beams so it is so hot. stephie hung black fabric in the window to keep the nest cool. but now upsidogi knows that black-fabric is also black-flag, has always been black-flag to some humans looking out the window to the hinterhof, who want-need to see black-flag because they need to remember together-strong-peace. so upsidogi has been sending out a ripple that comes back .and upsidogi sees it is a peace-ripple and sees how black-fabric-flag can be another peace-ripple if she draws a together-strong-peace on it, for hinterhof-humans to see-feel.

upsidogi drew a trust-trust and a together-strong-peace on the bench where she met prancing∆silver∆hound. next to the water fountain and under the trees and in between all the drawings and sculptures and paintings and fear and hope and love. yes all of those things are truly there around the bench. this is a powerful bench, it is between all of these things and upsidogi drew a trust-trust and a together-strong-peace on it. upsidogi knew in her body what to do.

things to do. lots of important things to do. to be the wizard∆peace∆warrior which now upsidogi knows she is. as stephie she thought she was an artist. as ali she thought she was a writer. as upsidogi she knows she is the wizard∆peace∆warrior. that is what this-her-here-now is.

upsidogi realizes today that to be the wizard∆peace∆warrior she must also be stephie and ali sometimes. they all need each other. to take care of each other. to keep going. they all need to love each other and be kind to each other. they can not hate each other. they hated each other for a long time and did not help each other, they tried to kill each other. now they all live together and help each other to fill up, to become wizard∆peace∆warrior upsidogi must accept that part of the time she is also stephie and ali, that all of the time she is all of them, she must accepts these versions. take care of these versions. today she did draw a version of herself. and wrote

we got this

so we got this. keep up with upsidogi please. we got this. i know it in my body

upsidogi was on her way to prancing∆silver∆hound who is together-strong-peace. or this is what upsidogi sees-feels. and upsidogi remembers that prancing∆silver∆hound told upsidogi that she sees-feels what upsidogi sees-feels-as-together-strong-peace, in upsidogi. upsidogi and prancing∆silver∆hound stand before each other in this way and see-feel this together-strong-peace in and between each other. upsidogi now sees how bringing together this state, bringing together themselves, upsidogi and silver∆prancing∆hound are powerful, can make the connections, drop-peace-drops.

we got this.

silver∆prancing∆hound has a lot to share with upsidogi. upsidogi has a lot to learn-feel. because she knows humans can not feel-feel everything themselves. they must learn-feel from each other so that they can do the peace-dance.

and this is how upsidogi knows it in her body.

silver∆prancing∆hound came before a hound, which would become her and her fathers hound. upsidogi believes this hound was robin∆hood∆hound to stephie∆ali∆upsidogi. this hound to stephie∆ali∆upsidogi died as robin∆hood∆hound and was found as nara∆hound, in the same winter-time in a different place. upsidogi will cry-up-happy if she must cry, because she knows that robin∆hood∆nara found humans who could take care of them when they left upsidogi. upsidogi must trust-trust and forgive herself and robin∆hood∆hound for dying and leaving and feel love-peace-joy for silver∆prancing∆hound and her father and nara∆hound that they have each other. and she must feel love-peace-joy for upsidogi and robin∆hood∆nara that they know of each other now. now there is the possibility that upsidogi can move toward robin∆hood∆nara and meet them again.

cry-up-happy-peace-love-joy-strong-together-peace upsidogi, we got this.