the missed spaces, the missed places, the missed times, the missed rhymes, the missed persons I could have been or will be, the fear that restricts me, the choices that elate me, the food that prolongs, the life that kills and opens and winds up and scares and tears and screws, inspires and heightens and pitches and rolls and drowns and crowns and takes hold of and molds and breaks and pours into and empties and burns.

and here we steal away together

∆upsidogi + prancing∆silver∆hound

upsidogi throws the golden bead offering. upsidogi asks how she can become the drop of peace. how she can be the wizard∆peace∆warrior. how will she know what to do. upsidogi dances and floats. she forgets about her very important question. she moves from food to smoke to sweet∆smoke to box to book. then the book from her mother gives her the answer. forgiveness. when it is possible, choose forgiveness and heal this part of upsidogi, and heal this part inside the other being who received pain. upsidogi understands, the chance for peace must be looked at. without forgiveness upsidogi sees the path between the two beings as a path of washouts and mud and scary turns where she can't see the next step. upsidogi sees, she must walk that path again, feel it, and chose to transform it into a path through open fields which rise to the highest point on the horizon and she is alone with the sun-wind-sky-birds, and she smells the clean water before she hears its voice before she sees it and the sunbeams scurrying off its surface. upsidogi can transform with forgiveness and upsidogi remembers she has just done this last night. upsidogi forgave through offering joy to a path walked again and again in fear and pain. upsidogi walked in joy and trust and upsidogi felt this path transform to a smile she could not harness, a smile that shone reflecting in the sun which beamed off mal's face.

upsidogi wants to write as upsidogi, but when she has to go back days, to tell the story of now, her voice transforms. she can bring it back to upsidogi, but it must experience a shedding of ali and of stephie. as upsidogi writes this, she hears a blue∆dipped∆raven, closeby, above and behind? she hears a blue∆dipped∆raven and she remembers she has just made the offering. but the ritual was different. less controlled. things were dropped and parts of 'the offering ritual' were not performed. but it was fun. upsidogi did not get mad at herself when she dropped things, when she was more like squirrel than like lizard. and so she threw the gold bead out the window and she thinks it fell in the ivy where small∆brown∆bird-flocks live, which was what puffed∆hopping∆bird was when it was alive. and now upsidogi click-clicks to the altar where she buried puffed∆hopping∆bird and upsidogi click-clicks to the blue∆dipped∆ravens. this is some of the now that upsidogi wants to share about, these things that are unfolding. how there is a rippling outward and back to her. she wants to tell of this magic-nothing because she knows it is important.

on the way to prancing∆silver∆hound upsidogi listened to someone sing-play-strum to a song by bowie who lived in the neighborhood which they road through now, as the song was being sung. upsidogi believes that the someone who is sing-play-struming knows that this is where bowie lived and this is why they sing these songs in this place which is a train moving through places. and maybe they go back and forth all day and night, little back and forths singing bowie songs. or maybe they go around the whole circle-berlin-train and sing songs by the humans who lived-live in each neighborhood. and they circle the city with these human voices and their waves are always moving through berlin, the voices of the humans who love-sing-share-live Berlin. upsidogi will tell herself this story because it will make her feel-walk with her shoulders back and head up and little smile that she can feel in her right ear even though it is not showing always on her lips, she can feel it now. these are the stories upsidogi wants to share. to share the shoulders back and head up and little smile. to feel-be the together-strong-peace.

upsidogi wants to draw the together-strong-peace on the black flag that hangs in the window. stephie hung it to keep the light off the table, to keep the nest more cool, so much warm-sun-beams so it is so hot. stephie hung black fabric in the window to keep the nest cool. but now upsidogi knows that black-fabric is also black-flag, has always been black-flag to some humans looking out the window to the hinterhof, who want-need to see black-flag because they need to remember together-strong-peace. so upsidogi has been sending out a ripple that comes back. and upsidogi sees it is a peace-ripple and sees how black-fabric-flag can be another peace-ripple if she draws a together-strong-peace on it, for hinterhof-humans to see-feel.

upsidogi drew a trust-trust and a together-strong-peace on the bench where she met prancing∆silver∆hound. next to the water fountain and under the trees and in between all the drawings and sculptures and paintings and fear and hope and love. this is a powerful bench, it is between all of these things and upsidogi drew a trust-trust and a together-strong-peace on it. upsidogi knew in her body what to do.

things to do. lots of important things to do. to be the wizard∆peace∆warrior which now upsidogi knows she is. as stephie she thought she was an artist. as ali she thought she was a writer. as upsidogi she knows she is the wizard∆peace∆warrior. that is what this-her-here-now is.

upsidogi realizes today that to be the wizard∆peace∆warrior she must also be stephie and ali sometimes. they all need each other. to take care of each other. to keep going. they all need to love each other and be kind to each other. they can not hate each other. they hated each other for a long time and did not help each other, they tried to kill each other. now they all live together and help each other to fill up, to become wizard∆peace∆warrior upsidogi must accept that she is also stephie and ali, that all of the time she is all of them, she must accepts her versions. she must take care of her versions.

we got this

so we got this. keep up with upsidogi please. we got this. i know it in my body

upsidogi was on her way to prancing∆silver∆hound who is together-strong-peace. or this is what upsidogi sees-feels. and upsidogi remembers that prancing∆silver∆hound told upsidogi that she sees-feels what upsidogi sees-feels-as-together-strong-peace, in upsidogi. upsidogi and prancing∆silver∆hound stand before each other in this way and see-feel this together-strong-peace in and between each other. upsidogi now sees how bringing together this state, bringing together themselves, upsidogi and silver∆prancing∆hound are powerful, can make the connections, drop-peace-drops.

we got this.

silver∆prancing∆hound has a lot to share with upsidogi. upsidogi has a lot to learn-feel. because she knows humans can not feel-feel everything themselves. they must learn-feel from each other so that they can do the peace-dance.

and this is how upsidogi knows it in her body.

silver∆prancing∆hound came before a hound, which would become her and her fathers hound. upsidogi believes this hound was robin∆hood∆hound to stephie∆ali∆upsidogi. this hound to stephie∆ali∆upsidogi died as robin∆hood∆hound and was found as nara∆hound, in the same winter-time in a different place. upsidogi will cry-up-happy if she must cry, because she knows that robin∆hood∆nara found humans who could take care of them when they left upsidogi. upsidogi must trust-trust and forgive herself and robin∆hood∆hound for dying and leaving and feel love-peace-joy for silver∆prancing∆hound and her father and nara∆hound that they have each other. and she must feel love-peace-joy for upsidogi and robin∆hood∆nara that they know of each other now.

cry-up-happy-peace-love-joy-strong-together-peace upsidogi, we got this.